Pseudo-Empathy, Pseudo-Pain, Unconditional Love, and Everything Still Screaming It Must Be Hate!

In a world where neurological similarities afford the shared delusions, to arrogantly demand conformity, without it needing to be explained.

Some of the earliest memories I have usually involve a sharp pain, followed by my world verbalizing at me like it should not hurt. As I distill through more memories, I recognize that I always struggled, to have people empathize when I was in pain. No one was hearing it, because I do not feel like I need to scream like others would. Even when my pain forces me into meltdowns and tears, it was hitting a wrong note in what they conceive.

This is a world where mental hygiene was front-and-centre, to embracing the neurodiversity, along with all other differences.

Not indifferent to boundaries and space. Not indifferent to trauma and pain. Not indifferent to the burdens we must share and learn. Where we respect to mind. To be aware, and self-aware. Of the suffering and displacements we are normally encouraged to filter and ignore.

This new acceptance is what I needed to know and cope with real pain, in my mind, and in my body, with what I was only misguided and presumed to have endured all along.

To validate and realign with the manifestation of my neurological and neuropsychological differences. To validate there being huge gaps, in how well we can each empathize with the real pain, in others. To validate that we were all glossing over, what others may diminish or amplify, what we presumed to be norms, and what we coerce and ascribe.

This new understanding is what I needed to mind and compare with what I was only misguided and presumed to have experienced all along.

Differences I was expected to somehow blindly be able to observe and conform to. Differences I was expected to somehow self-deprecate, on my own. That it is insanity and delusions, that some are superior, and others were never meant to be. That it is mental illness to say this is what it takes to build a society where we can all actually learn to belong. That that was the mental illness itself, rampant, in plain-sight, all along.

This new appreciation is what I needed to defragment and process my present and past with what I was only misguided and presumed to have sustained all along.

To reconcile with the past. To reconcile with repressed traumas. The ones I caused, and, the ones I had to endure. To reconcile with genuine emotions. Ones I felt, ones I still feel, and, ones I was arrogantly forced to diffuse.

This new sensibility is what I needed to predict and plan a tenable future with what I was only misguided and presumed to have endeavoured all along.

This is a future that is only as unpredictable as the unfolding unknowns. That I can reasonably predict what it takes to know and have gleaned. That I can reasonably contribute what it takes to belong and have dreamed. And, that I can reasonably sustain what it takes to love and have achieved.

This new reality is where my future is, and where the happiness is, for myself and for my family, and for those who care to walk through this trying path.

This new reality is what everyone needed to love and dream of what they were only misguided and presumed to have suppressed all along.

Not the pseudotypical one that we are when we ignorantly and egotistically argue that neurotypicality was ever a way for our society to be. That we are all neurodiversity, some naïvely more neurotypical, some naïvely more neurodivergent, everyday begging acceptance of who we discover to be.

I don’t write the words, I splice at ones coming at me, until they resonate with what I found written out in my mind ∞